The first time suicide was considered was when the body was young. We don’t have any idea what chronological age the body was, but the part that wanted to die was 7. So we’ve lived with suicide as being a viable option to end the pain for a long time. At times the messages about suicide are very loud and demanding. Strangely enough these are the easiest to ignore as they are like shouts into a crowded room, they tend to leave us shaken and wondering where that came from, but fairly easily moved on from.
The messages that are the most damaging and difficult to ignore are the constant quietly spoken words that soothe, giving suicide as the ideal option to escape this pain and the uncertainty that this life holds. These are the really scary messages as they are so soothing and easy to live with. They are almost seductive.
How do you combat something that is so seductive? Our therapist has said to ignore them or tell them to stop, but we don’t even know where the messages come from, let alone how to tell them to be quiet.
At the moment the messages are really strong. We know that this is a reaction to the visit from the mother, but that doesn’t make it any easier to cope with.