Stop therapy???? ***Triggering***

What a wild and nasty trip this weekend was…

Our GP has refused to prescribe Clonazepam because of the suicide and addiction risks, so we’ve had to resort to going to after hour clinics to get the medication to allow us to cope when the anxiety and dissociation get really bad. Well due to the continuing separation drama and the dictate to have another psychiatric assessment, things have been a bit stressful! So on Sunday we went to the clinic and were forced to describe all of the abuse we’d experienced before they would prescribe. Couldn’t believe it, we were sitting there scratching the arm open to try and stop the internal talking and the anxiety and this male doctor was asking about the different incidences, who the perpetrators were etc.

He then wouldn’t let us leave without a contract to not attempt suicide. Like a contract with him meant anything????? The guy had just effectively destroyed and re-victimised us and he wanted us to play nice and make a contract! Of course we shook his hand (touch = a HUGE trigger) and said everything would be fine. We knew that if we could have the Clonazepam, the need to run away would fade back to its usual level, but its always an internal agreement. Agreements with anyone in the real world mean little. We avoid making contracts or agreements that we know will be difficult to keep as they’re at odds with internal agreements. We can’t lie and we must keep our word within the real world, but it doesn’t mean much…

Because of all of this, we’re thinking that we’ll just see out the remaining sessions we have with the clinical psychologist and then give up the therapy. It’s been too destructive lately. We can’t keep on having assessments and opening these wounds.

We coped before going to therapy, so we can cope again without it…
Our story and we’re hoping it’s true…

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