And so it begins…

Today we thought we’d go do some shopping… just pick-up some silly things to send to friends and some groceries… nothing big or exciting.

One of the big problems with going shopping is that the ex-husband was a security guard. This meant that he worked at one time or another in most of the larger shopping malls in the city. Those that he didn’t work in personally, he knew the people who worked there doing security. So every shopping place has reminders of him, and every guard in a uniform looks like him when seen out of the corner of the eye – classic PTSD stuff.

Today we went shopping at Westfield. He did security there, but it is also one of the places where we know well, so are less likely to have a panic attack. We were fine at the book and toy shops – hey we’re librarians and many of the littles love looking toys… But for some reason Sophie was really upset about being there, despite her choosing to go there. It definitely had something to do with the ex-husband as she was trying to do the same nervous wedding ring twisting that she used to do to try and calm and soothe… But we no longer have the wedding ring or any ring… Because it wasn’t there, she panicked. So unlike Sophie…

Whenever he did anything to her, she’d just throw the blocks up to the rest of us and take it until it got too much… She always felt so guilty as she agreed to the marriage, even though Management said it wasn’t a good idea… Management is great at passive aggressive stuff, so just didn’t organise the wedding. She didn’t stop it on purpose, but just refused to organise it – which would usually be her role. But finally gave in two nights before the wedding and got the vows and other details sorted, but it was very much against her will.

No one blames Sophie for agreeing to the marriage, but she blames herself… She’s getting really bad flashbacks of things that he used to do. We don’t know how to stop it or help her… She’s our most emotional part, and she’s hurting…

What’s unfair is that she is the one who comforts everyone else, but we don’t have the skills to comfort her.

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