How do you take back a holiday from the nightmares and flashbacks? The last three nights have been filled with nightmares and surreal dreams.
We are not consciously aware of any anniversary around Christmas, but have always dreaded the holidays. The father was a functional alcoholic and he tended to be at home more over the Summer holidays as where he worked was seasonally geared towards Winter sports – he managed a sports club/bar. This was also the time when we used to have to go to work with him on a regular basis as it was school holidays and there was no child care facilities (except for the older brothers and sister).
Alcohol was always a factor in the childhood. Whether it was being forced to drink the gathered dregs of all the alcohol left over from the night before when we were cleaning the clubrooms from the age of 4; or clearing the ladies toilets at the end of the night to check for those that were unconscious in the early teens. The family life revolved around alcohol and sport. It is from these experiences that Scruff was born… Scruff is our tough tom boy who could take the knocks, laughs and taunts that came from being one of the few females under the age of 7 who was constantly at the male dominated clubrooms. She could take it and keep on smiling.
Not sure why Scruff is making her presence felt at the moment. We did a private clip for YouTube which described our internal house, and it was the first time that she allowed a picture to represent herself to the outside world. If there is an anniversary coming that is tied to her, it would seem out of place, as she was mainly present when things were really raucous in the clubrooms over the winter months. She used to be rewarded with bags of chips.
Sometimes a memory will come through that just shakes you to the core… how could a person do those things to that smiling little girl???