We’ve met some really amazing and inspiring people through the online community who have helped us in ways they will never realise – whether it be from just a kind word, an entry or clip that validates our experiences or by talking to them online or on the phone. But we always struggle with how to communicate…
We don’t know how to form and maintain friendships. We’ve never had any lasting friendships and would probably be described as fickle in our friendships. We know that the true motivation for this is a combination of not feeling worthy of having friends and protecting ourselves from any hurt that comes from caring about someone enough to let them inside our rather impressive walls.
Basic things like making comments on someones blog entry can take a great deal of thought and time in order to try and minimise the potential for stuffing it up. This often happens to the point where we tie ourselves in knots with our thinking and editing and just post it out of frustration or stupidity. So a partially edited comments goes out there and we feel AWFUL. We avoid the blog and panic. It’s worse when we care about the opinion of the person or the subject matter of the entry.
We know this is all due to a total lack of confidence… Something that people around us in the 3D world don’t really seem to get. We’re considered high achievers. We stand in front of up to 40 people and teach Information Literacy. On Monday at work we were all sitting around having afternoon tea and one of the ladies was talking about blueberries and whether to make them into muffins or leave them as is. Our team leader said she preferred them raw… out of nowhere, one of us said “Ohhhh wrap them in muffin, they’re better that way”. It was one of the less embarrassing things one of us has said uncensored, but it gives an indication of how much we have to try and think about what we say and how we say it.
We just don’t have the confidence to bounce back from set-backs… we’re a bit fragile at the moment and HATE being it.