We struggle to help others understand what it’s like living with the internal noise of DID. We’re not really sure we understand it fully and we don’t know how it compares to those who live with the level of internal conversations amongst the different “I” functions that usually exist in everyone.
We talked to our friend from America briefly and he explained it to his wife in a way that we thought was excellent in it’s simplicity. They are staying at her relatives house and on Christmas Day they had many people from different generations present – from babies through to those in their 80’s. It was mid afternoon so there was a usual mayhem that occurs in a full house when its snowing outside – children running around; some children crying from a fall or wound; teens being loud or silent; adults both “alcohol enhanced” and sober carrying on different conversations; and the elders sitting quietly watching the whole performance and trying to add the occasional piece of advice.
In amongst all of this usual level of quite loud noise, he asked his wife to come into the bedroom, lie on the bed, close her eyes and just listen. She said at first that she didn’t hear anything, but when asked again said “Ohh you mean the kids and everything”… His response – Yes, this is the noise that is in my head nearly all the time. It’s in my head and I can’t just walk away from it.
We thought this was a great way to show others what it can be like. With us we have a constant level of background noise which usually isn’t an issue. It’s just when it gets to the level of constant internal screaming that the problems begin.
Yes, we’re struggling today… hence the two posts on the same day. Anything to maintain some train of thought, keep focused and minimise the dissociation… The level of noise is high and the feeling of running in circles banging into things as we run is getting worse.