Today we were doing some work on our old blog when we realised something which tells us a great deal about our coping mechanisms and psychology. Reading through the December entries it is obvious that we were struggling with what Bob was asking us to do – evicting one of us from our internal house. But what is also obvious is that we were fighting! We were arguing, trying to learn, working it through. There was humour obvious in our entries despite the confusion – for example Today’s lesson on how to bang your head against a brick wall… When we compare these entries with the entries over the last few months, it appears obvious to us that our fighting spirit has gone. Things are no worse than they were then. In many ways they’re better. What has changed is our reaction to the things around us.
Potential reasons for this –
- We’ve been trialled on several different anti-anxiety medications, none of which have been effective and have often caused very nasty side effects.
- We haven’t heard from Ellie (affectionately known as the “Irish Bitch” by Carrie) since before Christmas. Ellie takes on many of the characteristics (and accent) of an amazing Irish uncle who told brilliant stories about his times as a policeman in Rhodesia and running black market flights in and out of Africa.
- Management has been around only sparingly since that time as well.
- The restructuring at work was badly handled and our job was changed to one that we don’t get any satisfaction from.
- Our levels of exhaustion caused by chronic insomnia have not been able to be relieved by any catch-up weekend sleeps.
- We took the risk of caring for Kriss and it proved to be a disaster.
- People around us who knew about “us” mentioned that they wanted to talk to the “real T” and that they didn’t want different ones coming forward to perform their roles. This told some of us that they weren’t wanted and were being rejected.
- We don’t have anything concrete in front of us to fight. We don’t have the husband to get rid of, Liz doesn’t generate the anger that Bob did and we don’t care about our job.
What we’re going to do about it… kick ourselves in the butt. Remind our collective selves that the reason we survived that kindergarten fort, rugby clubrooms, parties etc is because we are stubborn fighters! It’s about time we remembered that.
At the moment we need to poke and prod at ourselves to get that fighting spirit back. We need Management, Ellie, S, Sophie and every one of us to fight back against this apathy.