Yup, I’m thick. I might be intelligent, but I’m still as thick as a thick thing on a thick day. I’ve been a dissociative, anxiety ridden wreck for the last week and had no idea why. I thought it was just S acting out that was causing me to lose so much time. It’s only today when I was at the supermarket check-out that it clicked… The check-out operator was asking the usual pleasantries about how my day was etc. Then she asked the big one “Did you do anything special for Father’s Day?” How in the world could I not connect today with being Father’s Day? I brought one of the special Father’s Day lotto tickets last week; I’ve seen the Father’s Day card stands in the shops; I’ve seen the advertisements on television; I even thought of buying a camera tripod in a Father’s Day sale. But for some reason, the words ‘Father’s Day’ didn’t connect correctly in my brain. Don’t ask me why, but I didn’t associate it with the father and the past.
I don’t know if this lack of connection is a good or bad thing, but it sure helps to explain why I’ve lost most of the week. It could also explain why S was acting out so violently and challenging the power dynamics within the system. We were all oblivious to her pain and memories… I’m so sorry S, please forgive us.