I'm thick!

Yup, I’m thick.  I might be intelligent, but I’m still as thick as a thick thing on a thick day.  I’ve been a dissociative, anxiety ridden wreck for the last week and had no idea why.  I thought it was just S acting out that was causing me to lose so much time.  It’s only today when I was at the supermarket check-out that it clicked… The check-out operator was asking the usual pleasantries about how my day was etc.  Then she asked the big one “Did you do anything special for Father’s Day?”  How in the world could I not connect today with being Father’s Day?  I brought one of the special Father’s Day lotto tickets last week; I’ve seen the Father’s Day card stands in the shops; I’ve seen the advertisements on television; I even thought of buying a camera tripod in a Father’s Day sale.  But for some reason, the words ‘Father’s Day’ didn’t connect correctly in my brain.  Don’t ask me why, but I didn’t associate it with the father and the past.

I don’t know if this lack of connection is a good or bad thing, but it sure helps to explain why I’ve lost most of the week.  It could also explain why S was acting out so violently and challenging the power dynamics within the system.  We were all oblivious to her pain and memories…  I’m so sorry S, please forgive us.

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Now playing: Mad World – Gary Jules
via FoxyTunes
watch via YouTube

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9 thoughts on “I'm thick!

  1. That would make sense! It’s also no wonder that you didn’t ‘realise’ till now – why would you want to? But I’m glad you’ve been able to make sense of S and her feelings this week.

  2. Sometimes just knowing what is causing our mental/emotional discomfort can be such a relief. I have times like that too, when I forget what has me so upset . . . I should know, from past experience, but it’s like I have amnesia once the current trigger is behind me.

  3. I’m sorry there was such a trigger. I look at this as a positive. While, yes, it would be nice to have identified the trigger beforehand, it’s important to know that you are working towards this. Also, there have been many Father’s Days before this past one, which probably means many other triggers. Yet this one you are aware of. And going forward you will always know this.

    Paul

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