When does the mother go home?

Is it time for her to go yet?  Surely 3 weeks are up already?  No?  Well, can we fast forward the next three weeks then… please!

The mother has been here less than 24 hours and all the rest I’d managed to get in the previous week has gone flying out the window.  I’m dissociated, anxious, craving self-injury like nothing else on this Earth and wanting to run away sooo badly.  Admittedly, this is my fault.  I momentarily forgot who I was dealing with, so told her that the reason I’ve been off work is because I’m suicidal.  That was such an incredibly stupid thing to admit to her.  As was proven this morning when we were leaving the house – she walks outside the front door, turns to me and effectively destroys me in one conversation:

Mother (at the top of her voice):  “It’s amazing the doctor didn’t go through any lists considering your suicidal.”
Us:  “Mum, please the neighbours will hear.”
Mother (still at the top of her voice):  “Oh, well, there aren’t any around.”
Us:  “How do you know?”

She doesn’t get it.  She really doesn’t.  I can’t believe that she would say something like that for anyone and everyone to hear.  It was just like so many of the things she did while we were growing up which stripped away our sense of self and cut us down to nothing.  What’s worse, is that this time she KNOWS we aren’t well, she KNOWS we are suicidal…

I give up, I really do…

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18 thoughts on “When does the mother go home?

  1. Gosh CG, that is incredibly insensitive. I’m so sorry this is turning out worse than expected. I also hope you can keep some protection around you – in fact, I wish we could all come and surround you as your protective force to swallow up insensitive remarks like this and all the negativity. Hang in there. (((CG)))

    • Thank you Kerro 🙂

      She doesn’t mean any harm, she really doesn’t. She just doesn’t get me or any other way of being…

      Take care,
      CG

      • I know, I didn’t mean to imply that she was evil. She sounds a little like my mother actually – she doesn’t mean to do any harm, she just doesn’t realise how insensitive she is sometimes, or the damage that her remarks can do. Remember to look after you in this. That’s the most important thing.

  2. I understand that you want to give up 😦
    What your mother has done… it’s so unbelievable. It makes me speechless, I’m really shocked. Don’t know, how you can endure her, if she’s round you all the time (and this the next 3 weeks?!). She will hurt you all the time again and again (maybe also unintentionally). Please, take good care of yourself. Thinking of you and sending a lot of safe hugs (((()))) if ok

    • Thank you LostShadowChild 🙂

      I’m hoping that she will decide to go home early, but I just don’t know what she’ll do.

      She’s not evil or anything, just lost.

      Take care,
      CG

  3. Let her go home early and don’t feel bad about it – this is not about HER. And if she’s not willing to help you then, well, let her go home.

    Thinking of you. (hugs)

    • I think she meant the protocols associated with when a patient within a practice admits to being suicidal. The conversation continued on to talk about how I don’t deal with the crisis team and so on… So I think she wanted to know why the doctor didn’t do those usual things.

  4. Hi,

    I understand what you are saying. But you have a right to your privacy and proper boundaries. Words can harm. Words can be abusive. Even if someone is not evil. Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

    • Thank you Kate. It was hard, but we spoke up after a couple of major meltdowns.

      The house was psychologically abusive while growing up, and she hasn’t learned any other coping strategies. It’s sad really.

      Take care,
      CG

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