Jo

I’ve just come from an appointment with Jo.  Jo is a physically similar to us in many ways, which made it hard when we walked in today and found her with her arm in a sling, a foot brace on her right foot, bruises on her arms and a black eye.  We were already a little fragile, but that sent us over the edge.  It was impossible to stop transferring her injuries to how it was with us when we were with the husband.  She assured us that she had been hurt in a fall caused by her wearing high heels which she was unfamiliar with…  But inside the young ones were screaming that someone had pushed her.  Even after further assurance, they still didn’t believe her – we used to make excuses and say that the bruises were for all sorts of reasons.

We couldn’t cope with her in all of the bandages, so blocked her from our vision.  When we get particularly stressed about something visual, that object becomes blurred in our vision.  So Jo became a dark blur in the upper left corner, of what became a narrower and narrower field of vision.  We had to leave, we couldn’t stay.  We were dissociating and switching all over the place.  M was trying to bring a sense of calm to the system by blocking out and stamping down the memories again, but it was too late… the memories were triggered and running rampant.

We felt so guilty for making her injuries about us and our triggers.  We were worried for her, but the overwhelming message came about us being hurt.  Feeling so pathetic and weak for not showing someone the care that they needed.

We’re now sitting at work freaking… we usually wear our headphones and listen to music when we’re like this, but each time the cords touch our neck we’re triggered into thinking his hands are around our neck again.  We can’t stop shaking and jumping at each sound or flash of light.  Only four more hours before we can go home to the safety of the house…

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Now playing: Brooke Fraser – Lifeline
via FoxyTunes

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10 thoughts on “Jo

  1. Hello,

    “We felt so guilty for making her injuries about us and our triggers. We were worried for her, but the overwhelming message came about us being hurt. Feeling so pathetic and weak for not showing someone the care that they needed.”

    Okay here is the deal, this is therapy, you are not expected to make this about her. It is okay when you are triggered. Yous have very good reasons for doing so and reacting as you did. It is okay to be coping with your own stuff in therapy. She will know that you care.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

    • Thank you Kate… I know what you say is true, it just felt so yucky and self-fish at the time – I wasn’t the one in bandages after all.

      Jo was really worried when she realised how badly I was freaking out. She ended up calling Liz (regular therapist) and expressing her concern, which was a little disconcerting considering that I thought I had it fairly well contained at the time. I was better when there were other people around, but when it was just Jo and I, I lost it.

      Take care of yourself,
      Sending lots of positive thoughts your way,
      CG

  2. I am sorry you felt guilty about your response. But your response was automatic. You reality checked as best you could. You were able to take a step back. That’s good.

  3. Wow, I wouldn’t have been able to stay there. Too much triggering, I would have had to reschedule. You are strong and brave to have stayed. I hope Joe is healing nicely, tho. My best to you and I hope you’re feeling safe and calm.

    • I was ok while I was in the waiting area, but as soon as we were in the room alone I couldn’t contain the trigger reaction. I left after about 15 minutes, with most of that time being used up in Jo reassuring me that she hadn’t been abused or pushed. I’m not sure how the other woman who see Jo reacted, but it was too much for us.

      Jo said there were no breaks, but she looked fairly well banged up. I see her again in a fortnight, so hopefully she’ll be well mended by then.

      Take care,
      CG

  4. I’m so sorry, CG. You have nothing to feel guilty about, though. I do think Jo will be touched that you care. I also hope you’re home and safe. I’m around if you want to talk.

    ((Safe hugs))

    Kerro

    • It was an interesting afternoon at work 🙂 Thankfully no one asked me anything important!

      Thank you for the offer 🙂

      Take care,
      CG

  5. I agree with the other comments here: your response was automatic and nothing to feel guilty for.

    I know what a hard thing this must have been for you to deal with! I wouldn’t have been able to continue the therapy session either, way too triggering.

    Hope you’re feeling better now…

    • Thank you Beauty, it’s good just to hear that others probably would’ve reacted in a similar way – makes me feel a little less drama queenish 🙂

      Take care,
      CG

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