I’ve just come from an appointment with Jo. Jo is a physically similar to us in many ways, which made it hard when we walked in today and found her with her arm in a sling, a foot brace on her right foot, bruises on her arms and a black eye. We were already a little fragile, but that sent us over the edge. It was impossible to stop transferring her injuries to how it was with us when we were with the husband. She assured us that she had been hurt in a fall caused by her wearing high heels which she was unfamiliar with… But inside the young ones were screaming that someone had pushed her. Even after further assurance, they still didn’t believe her – we used to make excuses and say that the bruises were for all sorts of reasons.
We couldn’t cope with her in all of the bandages, so blocked her from our vision. When we get particularly stressed about something visual, that object becomes blurred in our vision. So Jo became a dark blur in the upper left corner, of what became a narrower and narrower field of vision. We had to leave, we couldn’t stay. We were dissociating and switching all over the place. M was trying to bring a sense of calm to the system by blocking out and stamping down the memories again, but it was too late… the memories were triggered and running rampant.
We felt so guilty for making her injuries about us and our triggers. We were worried for her, but the overwhelming message came about us being hurt. Feeling so pathetic and weak for not showing someone the care that they needed.
We’re now sitting at work freaking… we usually wear our headphones and listen to music when we’re like this, but each time the cords touch our neck we’re triggered into thinking his hands are around our neck again. We can’t stop shaking and jumping at each sound or flash of light. Only four more hours before we can go home to the safety of the house…