Superficial happiness & coping

I’ve noticed over the last week that we’ve moved from a state of denial to one of superficial happiness and coping.  I’m not sure which is worse.  Both of these states allow me to block out the chaos caused by some of our negative actions and allow me to get through the day at work without too much trouble…

The ex-husbands birthday is less than a week away.  To understand what that day meant to us in the past, read this potentially triggering post we did last year at about this time.  I know we’re nearly a year gone with no interaction from him, but the memories are still very fresh.  What’s been interesting is that we’ve been remembering more of the good times as well as the bad – he could make us laugh and smile…  Sometimes the two are blending in our memory, so they’re flicking from him laughing to him hurting us almost seamlessly.

Hating anniversaries… hating this depersonalised functioning…

8 thoughts on “Superficial happiness & coping

  1. I know that it all sucks, I can remember this time last year. You are doing well, you’re away from him, that is so important. I’m here for you, as are all your other online support system 🙂 *hugs*

    • Thank you (((Amy))) Your friendship and support means a great deal to me. You knew me while I was still with him, but I don’t think I ever told you what was happening at the time. I am glad to be free of him, I just wish my brain would stop playing PTSD games on me!

      Take care of you and yours,
      CG 🙂

  2. “Superficial happiness”… I’ve never quite thought of it like that. I understand it. I think of it as a quite natural response. It’s a distraction. It allows us to cope. It gives us some relief. It can make things feel a bit disconnected though and can make the experience be more a roller coaster of sorts.

    But if you need to do the superficial happiness to cope then go for it. It does work.

    • Yes, it’s a very disconnected feeling… quite surreal at times and most certainly a roller-coaster as there is no sense of being in control. But it does give us a break from trying to work it through and keep up appearances.

  3. I’m so sorry, Anniversaries, birthdays, festive seasons. They are all rough. I second Amy’s comment from last year: “Thank god you’re away from him.” In a way I’m glad that there are good things you can see you miss, but no way are they worth what he subjected you to.

    I was in “superficial happiness” my whole life. Until just over a year ago when my therapist found the key to pandora’s box. And here we are.

    In an unrelated post I can see “healing” in your blog posts since last year. You have come a long way. Kudos to you.

    Safe hugs.

    • Can you really see healing? In many ways I feel worse than I did last year, but that is possibly because I can feel it more.

      The superficial happiness is often easier for those around us, which is possibly why we do it so consistently over time before the healing begins.

      • Oh my lordy yes indeedy I see progress. Just look at the blog post you wrote this time last year. I see real progress!

        Sometimes I reckon things really do get worse before they get better because we start dealing with all the yuk stuff that’s been festering underneath the “superficial happiness” for so long. It does get better though – I’ve had glimpses of that, just wish it would hang around for longer.

        Take care you. ((CG))

        • I look at what I wrote last year as being clinical facts – nothing more, nothing less. I know I was very shakey last year and very out of touch with pretty much everything. It was a real slam in the stomach to get his birthday reminder back then.

          I’ve just spent today’s session with Liz talking about whether I obsess over anniversaries too much. I possibly do, but often I’m unaware of them until a week or so before the date and then they overwhelm me too easily. I’m not quite sure how to bring a balance to my approach.

          I agree we seem to have to get worse before we get better, but how much worse????

          Take care,

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