Pigeon-holing

I think I’ve mentioned here before that we have a young one called Aimee who is 9, happy and illiterate.  Similar to S being a sexual being, I’d pigeon-holed Aimee in this way, quite forgetting all the other things she does for us.  Quite often in therapy, if we’re worried about saying something that is a little scary, we’ll ask Aimee to say it for us – things like we’re scared of talking about food, etc.  She’s also incredibly happy, no matter what is happening.  When things are too out of control, she’s often nowhere to be found, but when we’re tired beyond belief, she will often be there to help us through.  To put it bluntly, she’s incredible…  If there’s any aspect of the different ones that we’d like to have consistent access to, it’s Aimee’s optimism.

Over the years, Aimee has learned that she can communicate with people online if she gets one of the others to read and write for her.  Usually this job was Sophie’s, but recently W was doing the interpreting for Aimee.  What we’ve noticed, is that with W doing the reading and writing, suddenly Aimee seems to be able to do more reading and writing herself.  It’s not like she’s gone to school and suddenly learned how to read, but rather some of W’s literacy seems to have leaked over to Aimee.  It’s the first tangible sign of healing and growth that I have seen within the system…  I know this may sound silly, but yesterday was a very long day filled with triggers and sharing of secrets, so Aimee suddenly being able to read and write a little bit is huge.

I know that this should be a further lesson in why I shouldn’t stereotype or pigeon-hole any part within the system.  I suppose I get caught up in wanting them to be one- or two-dimensional and forget that some of the different ones are quite complex personalities.  Recent blog reading would indicate that it would be easier to heal if the different ones weren’t so complex, but even the act of one part becoming seemingly more complex has given me hope… Aimee is becoming less extreme in her personality, so maybe that means we will all move toward being more balanced and co-operative…

Reading and writing signify intelligence, high scholarly expectations and being serious…  This is why I think Aimee was never able to read or write, those skills don’t fit with her role of being happy and carefree.  So if she is now reading and writing, but still happy, her personality is becoming more complete and rounded.  Whether this means she will be integrated, or continue to exist as a separate one within the system, I don’t know.  But I see it as an important step in our healing process…

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8 thoughts on “Pigeon-holing

  1. I think this is an important step in your healing as well. I have seen the shift in Aimee… when I first met her, she was shy and could barely say “hi”, and almost always others did her writing for her.

    Now? She’s shown herself to be one of the smartest kids I know. She’s intelligent and rational and caring and gentle and … she really helped me when I needed it. Her doing these things, and reading and writing them, is huge. Bigger than huge. I’m really glad you can see it too, CG.

    Thank you, Aimee, and CG. I hope this is the beginning of great healing times for you.

    (((warm gentle safe ones)))

    • This made Aimee smile… thank you (((Kerro)))

      Some of us question whether Aimee is rational or not 🙂 But she always tells the truth as she knows it. We love and protect her, she and Katie are our reasons for continuing to fight when it all seems too much.

      Take care,
      CG

  2. Good for Aimee! I’m so happy for your healing, this is like a wonderful story and I can hardly wait to know whether she integrates or not.

    I think we are all so resourceful. I have a 7 year old who doesn’t talk. I don’t know why but she has taught herself to sign spell. Have a wonderful day.

    • Hi Ivory,

      We have a few young ones who either struggle to talk (stutter, talk so quietly no one can hear them etc) or don’t talk for various reasons. We’ve established that for some it’s about keeping the secrets (you can’t share a secret if you can’t talk), and for some it’s about being a good quiet child whom is seen and not heard.

      We’ll keep everyone in touch with what happens with Aimee. It would be interesting if she integrated with W, as W holds so much of our self-injury needs. It could be a good balancing effect. We’ll see 🙂

      Take care,
      CG

  3. It makes me so glad, when I read that Aimee now is able to read and write. And much more as I read that she is still happy 🙂
    That’s a really big step and progress. 🙂
    You all deserve the best. Sending much hugs (((())))

  4. Parts of our system have every right to evolve just like anyone else in this world. Evolution of parts is a sign of healing. Because it means there is more collaboration and communication. Congratulations Aimee, and congratulations all of you!

    • Hi Paul,

      I know the different parts have the right to evolve… well I know that intellectually… I’d never experienced it, or understood what it meant until now. I have an awful lot to learn.

      Take care,
      CG

      Hi hi Paul
      Thank you
      Bye bye from Aimee

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