Letter to a young one

Dear young one,

First of all, you are young.  You are not a little adult, you are a young girl…  This alone should explain so much to you, but it won’t because I know you are fighting and struggling to make sense of the world you find yourself in.  You are strong, brave and stubborn…  You take on so much of the world around you, that it is hard to make you out as an individual identity.  But, please remember that you are a young girl…

I sense that you need to hear the words “I forgive you”, but there is nothing to forgive you for.  You did an amazing job holding it all together when those around you were hurting you and themselves.  I’m so sorry that you had to take on this burden of abuse.  This burden had nothing to do with how pretty, thin, attractive or loud you were…  there are no reasons why… there are excuses, but no reasons.  I’m not sure what will ease your sense of guilt and ownership over the abuse… I could quote you research about alcoholic fathers, absentee mothers, sibling rivalry and a society built around ignoring the child as an individual with rights, but I know that you will look for excuses within that research… You will look for any proof that the abuse was, and is, your fault.  So I won’t hand you that information to confuse you further, instead I would like to do what should have happened long ago… get down to your eye level, look you straight in the eye and say “It wasn’t your fault”.  You hold no blame for what happened, they were events done to you, not by you.  Even the events where you are sure you were the instigator, you weren’t.  You were trying to find new ways to protect yourself and ease the burden.

I stand in awe of what you accomplished through all of the pain of what was happening to you.  Do you know that?  I don’t know how you did it.  You have a strength I cannot fathom.  The amount of times you picked yourself up and kept on going… the amount of times you looked towards the pain and kept on going.  I’m so proud to consider that you are what I have come from.  You excelled in all that you tried – I have the reports which tell of your intelligence, I’m told you moved with grace and poise on the dance floor and you played above your grade in sports you enjoyed.  I know you consider these accomplishments nothing, and I wish you could tell them with pride.  But what really amazes me, is that you defended those around you whom you thought were being picked on.  Your sense of social justice remained intact, despite all of what happened to you.  Not only did it remain intact, but you actively found ways to defend and help those who were being victimised.  You couldn’t succeed all the time, but you tried… and kept on trying no matter what.

I’m not sure that I will ever understand what happened to you.  Looking back, I don’t know what advice I could give you that would ease your burden.  I could say “don’t trust people”, but then I wonder if you didn’t have some form of trust, whether you would still hold to that sense of social justice?  I could tell you not to go near the kindergarten playground, or near that woodshed… but I know that this wouldn’t solve the problems you faced.  I want to protect you from the pain you faced, but I know I am helpless to do so.  My only hope now, is to help you heal.  I’m not sure how to do this, and in this I need your help.  I need to know what you need, and when you need it.  I try my best to help you heal, but I know I make mistakes.  I hope you forgive these errors… I know this is asking a lot of you, especially when so many people have let you down in the past, but I again need you to be strong.  This is a different strength, this isn’t about putting up with more pain… this is about telling me when it hurts, telling me when you are scared, telling me when you need help.  We all need help young one, but it takes strength to ask and receive that help…

Thank you for all you have done for me, young one.  You have given me so many gifts, it is now my turn to return some of those gifts, if you will let me.  You will notice that I don’t mention the word “love”… I avoid using this word as we all know that I don’t understand the concept… instead, please understand that I respect and admire you.  I couldn’t have made it this far without you…

Yours sincerely,
M

—————-
Now playing: Anna Nalick – Breathe
via FoxyTunes

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13 thoughts on “Letter to a young one

  1. Oh wow. This is such an amazing post. You are so brave for doing this. It’s something I’ve thought about for a long time, but never had the strength or courage for. Hats off to you.

    And all my respect and admiration to Young One and to M. You both survived so much, and you did an amazing job then, as you are doing now.

    Take care. Hugs to all of you.

    • Thank you for your support Kerro…

      This was a hard post to write and keep up here. I’m not sure if I can leave it here, but it was important to write.

      Take care,
      CG

      • You’re welcome CG. I can imagine how hard this was to write, and I think I understand the anxieties about keeping it up. One thing I’m learning is that my blog is for me, and no one else. If it benefits me to write stuff, to disclose stuff, to share stuff, then so be it. The anxieties about putting tuff stuff up have lessened a bit for me over time. I hope they will for you, too.

        ((hugs))

  2. This is amazing. It’s so powerful to actually say the words. You have talked many times about tending to young parts, but never, I don’t think, in such a direct way. What a commitment! Which will certainly build trust and be a turning point for you!!!

    • Hi Paul,

      M had hoped that this would start the process of rebuilding some relationships with a couple of the young ones, but they’ve been hurt so much that there is huge resistance to opening up in any way. We’re all very much like a wounded cat at the moment, hissing and spitting at any hand moving towards us. As a group, we need to learn when to ask for help… We failed at this over the weekend, so we need to start modeling the behaviours we’re asking the young ones to exhibit as well.

      Take care,
      CG

  3. This is such an honest, open and impressive letter. This letter is in every regard extremely important and at the same time very courageous.
    M. you have done a great job, as you wrote it. I really hope, that young one will say soon, what she needs.
    Thinking of you…
    Take care and ((()))

    • Hi LostShadowChild,

      Thank you 🙂

      M thought it was important to say, and say on the public blog rather than our private one… Hopefully we’ll see the benefit of this commitment soon…

      Take care (((warm safe hugs)))
      CG

  4. Yeah, sometime it seem like they don’t hear or understand. But I think w/time and continued commitment to them, they will be helped.
    Its good you straight up honest w/them, thats real important.
    Try and be consistant w/them. Listen.
    I think its good you posted this, cuz it shows commitment to the kids, and also cuz it’ll help others out there in cyberspace to learn too.
    Say hi to them kids for me. Its ok if they shy.
    Good work.
    Ones

    • Thank you Ones…

      This was published here to show that commitment to the young ones. They’re incredibly hurt, confused and lost. We’re working on getting better communication happening, but it’s a slow process that can only occur when we’ve established trust.

      Take care,
      CG

  5. That was beautiful. A memory came through yesterday and I just imagined holding the little girl and telling her she was safe, etc., but writing it out this way is more like a contract. What a wonderful way to let them know you care and appreciate them.

    Lisa

    • Hi Lisa,

      Thank you… I like the image of holding the little girl, that’s a level of caring and visualisation that I’d like to achieve.

      Take care,
      CG

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