Impossible case

Got the email from Liz today, confirming that she will no longer be seeing us…


Impossible case


35 thoughts on “Impossible case

  1. It’s not your fault that you need a more competent therapist, isn’t it? Liz obviously is incompetent to work with clients who had been through a lot more difficult situations that she has ever been. You’re not the one who is being resistant. It is she who needs to learn a lot before she can claim to be trauma specialist.

    • She came recommended as someone who works with dissociative clients… It’s hard not to take all this as being our fault and our failure. She was our 4th therapist in 5 yrs after all. Surely that shows a pattern…

      Sorry The Bold One, we’re pretty down about it all…

      • I belive client is “in resistance” only if therapist has a hidden agenda about the speed or direction of change, and “resistence” is (similarly to beauty) “in the eye of the beholder” only…

  2. i’m sorry castorgirl. that sounds like it was very painful for you to hear.

    i hope that later on you are able to look back on this transition as, although painful, that it was a good thing. i think we often find our life weeds out the people who aren’t right for us, to make room for the people who are. sometimes it’s not us that does the action of the weeding though, and that can be so painful and confusing. but, overall, i hope this is going to be a good thing for you.

    meanwhile, please take care of yourself~

    • Hi Katie,

      I’m trying to be philosophical about it and look on it in a positive way… but the overwhelming message is that I’ve yet again been bad. I know this is old programming, but it’s hard to stop.

      Thank you,

  3. it could be seen as a good thing. She has failed you, therefore you deserve a new better therapist. Keep holding on, things will get better xxx

  4. DD’s are tough.
    It seems Liz wasn’t actually doing too well in dealing with it.
    The flags were there….
    Just T hunting sucks 😦
    But there are good T’s out there.
    Sorry, this has got to be very difficult for much of you in so many ways.
    But this shall pass.
    You will find a better support person.
    A change can be good.
    Just this sucks for sure.
    Hope you can feel better some soon.

  5. I’m sorry CG. I don’t know what she has written in the Email, but I think, she didn’t have enough experience to help you. Sometimes thera are frustrated, when they don’t see “enough” progress (from her eyes). You are not impossible or any of the other words, you have used in the collage. It’s easy for us, to blame ourselves, when something like this happened. But this is too easy. You should try to explain this to all parts, especially the little ones.
    I really know, how extrem difficult it is, to find a new therapist. But don’t give up.
    Sending you tons of strength and courage. Don’t give up. You deserve healing and I’m sure you find a new thera.
    Warm safe hugs if ok (((()))

    • Hi LSC,

      The two people I’ve shown her response to, have told me that it indicates that she wasn’t the right therapist for me. I’m not able to understand that emotionally… it’s all a big yucky mess with all of the failures from my past coming up to say “see, you are useless and difficult”.

      I’ve contacted all of the potential thera’s in my town who work with ACC clients… already I’ve heard back from two that they’re not taking on new clients due to the new ACC framework. It’s not just my diagnosis that’s the barrier, it’s the Government red tape.

      Thank you and take care,

      • It would be only fair from any Government on the Earth to pay therapy for every single abused child because this should be priority over everything else.

        If parents and teachers failed to provide safety to the children, it’s now Governments’ responsibility to compensate for the parents’ and teachers’ failures…

  6. Oh, I’m so sorry. You are not to blame, though, and I agree with others, that this could be a blessing in disguise.

    Please hang in there. Warm safe hugs.


  7. I’m sorry about that. It may well be a blessing in disguise, but I know that thought probably doesn’t help much right now.

    Maybe you could write down your personal goals for therapy and make some kind of a rough outline about what you hope to expect? I don’t know.

    Before I had good insurance I had to work within the county mental health system and that was no fun. Too much red tape like you said.

    I’m giving you back the box of positive thoughts you gave me so you can have some, and I’ve added my own.


  8. It is NOT YOU! Your situation is a difficult one for therapists to deal with. Even if they come recommended, often they are not qualified for dealing with situations as complicated as yours. My daughter, who does NOT have DID sees a therapist who supposedly specializes it, and after the second session she was trying to convince my daughter that she DOES have it.(She has PTSD and is definitely not dissociative.) I can tell by her therapy sessions that this therapist knows a lot book wise but not people wise! If she ran into someone who really had it, she wouldn’t have a clue what to really do!

    • Thank you Lindsey… I’m trying to put it into perspective, but the last email that Liz sent hit a few sore spots. Liz had other dissociative clients, this gave me hope that she could help me, so when it all turned sour it was hard not to blame myself. Intellectually I know it takes both parties to create a therapeutic relationship, but it feels like my dysfunction and inability to communicate are an ongoing issue.

      I’m glad your children have you as an advocate and reality check…

      Take care,

  9. I think Liz not being a right fit for you is a statement not about you. You will find someone else, and sometimes being a “trauma expert” or “dissociative” expert isn’t really that important.

    • Thanks Paul, but my hope of finding someone else is dwindling as more therapists get back to me saying that they are no longer taking on ACC clients due to the government changes.

  10. I wanted to comment on the Polyvore… a medium I have yet to do anything with…

    I am deeply touched by the art.

    The little girl face… just tore my heart… and the opposite (the head blowing apart) also tore my heart… for the same reasons (they both are about hurt). But those opposites of expression just clarified for me that there’s hurting on multiple levels and scales.

    And I’m very sorry for that.

  11. Hi CG,

    I know how this feels. We have been there way too many times. We also saw therapists who supposedly had experience, knowledge, and we didn’t ever see any proof of that when seeing them. There aren’t that many good trauma therapists. Yous deserve someone who is right for yous, not just be competent and compassionate and empathetic. No it is not about you, not at all. I will keep believing that you will find the right one. Good and healing thoughts to you.


  12. hi castorgirl~ i’m so glad you have so much support here 🙂 even if your current situation doesn’t involve you having an appropriate therapist at this moment, i’m glad you’re not all alone and that you are able to share in this blogging world and find support.

    i have often felt and been told that i’m too much. and have experienced rejection more than once in my life from people who didn’t understand me or thought there was stuff wrong with me that they couldn’t handle.

    they were really the wrong people for me.

    each of us is complicated, and just because a therapist has experience or comes recommended for trauma, doesn’t mean they are perfect. i tend to hold therapists in higher esteem than me, put them on a pedestal, assume they know better than me. and this has not always been the case. they are human too, flawed too.

    i know that it is not easy to communicate things to your heart. that when an old issue is triggered, like rejection or feeling hopeless or unworthy, that words don’t often feel like enough to fix everything.

    but i just wanted to say a bit more along with the supportive things other people are saying here.

    i would imagine rejection by a therapist would be one of the most painful and confusing things to go through. because they are the ones who are supposed to help, supposed to understand.

    just like parents are supposed to love and care for us.

    but they don’t always. and this is not the child’s fault. nor is it the client’s. when the authorities we are supposed to trust are incapable of meeting our needs.

    wishing you well~~~

    • Thank you Katie…

      It’s interesting that you draw the comparisons to the family situation, as one of the more common phrases I’m hearing internally is a joke my mother used to say about me being the mistake at the end (I’m the youngest of four children and there is a 5 year gap between me and the next child). So I know that all those old messages have been triggered, all those old feelings dragged up and the wounds inflicted again.

      Take care,

  13. I’m so sorry it ended this way. I hope you don’t take it personally and internalize this. From what you’ve written, it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong.

    Please don’t give up on therapy. Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince. We’re hoping your next therapist will be all that you need and deserve.

    • The thing is MIS, I’m sure it’s all my fault… after all Liz is my fourth therapist in 5 years, surely that shows that I must be to blame here…

      Thanks for your support and kind words.

      Take care,

  14. CG,

    Just because she’s your fourth therapist in 5 years still doesn’t prove that you’re to blame. I’m not saying you aren’t. It’s impossible for me to know.

    What I do know is that I hold therapists to a higher standard than I hold myself. They are the professionals. They are supposed to have standards and treat us ethically. I think at the very least she could have offered to help you find a new therapist. It’s not my business but I wonder if the difficulty is not you but the therapists you pick. Is there a pattern? Do you choose these therapists yourself?

    It must be really frustrating to not be able to find a therapist that fits you well and vice versa.

  15. Pingback: Choosing a therapist | Scattered pieces

  16. Hey, I just want you to know that you’re in good company. I went through several therapists before finding the one I currently work with, who is absolutely amazing. I wish I knew then what I know now instead of heaping the blame on my own shoulders! Here are a few of my stories:

    One was very young and inexperienced. When I sat in her office clammed up, too uncomfortable to say anything, she told me that it was okay to stop seeing her if I didn’t have anything to say. Convinced I was cured after all two of our sessions, I never went back, and it was years before I tried therapy again. Heh.

    Another never explained to me why he was forcing me to sit in uncomfortable silence for minute after agonizing minute. It was horrible. I stopped going. Again, years passed before I went back to therapy.

    I chose the next one precisely because she didn’t do long silences. Unfortunately, my issues run too deep to be addressed solely by cognitive behavioral therapy. When I stopped making progress, I terminated therapy. More years passed.

    In one of my very first sessions with my current awesome therapist, she immediately put me at ease with the idea of sitting in silence. With one quick statement, she got me past the block that had kept me from doing therapy. Her ability to address that issue before it became one seemed almost magical to me. At that moment, I finally understood that my previous inability to do therapy was in large part due to therapists who did not know how to work with me.

    Since then, I’ve read a few books aimed at therapists. The sections where they discuss “errors” are fascinating – there are well documented mistakes that therapists can and do make. A good therapist will be aware of these errors, and furthermore, will resist the tendency to blame the patient when therapy goes awry. I think some of those case studies should be required reading for clients as well as therapists!

    Hang in there, trust your intuition, and good luck with your search.

    • Your experiences mirror my own in many ways Sarah. I have tried therapy sporadically over the years, never quite feeling that I’d found the right time, place or therapist to tell the truth to. It was only when my coping mechanisms fell apart after my car accident, the I really took the need to heal seriously.

      I got the impression that while Liz wasn’t directly blaming me for the falling out with her, there was a feeling that I was too much for an individual therapist to deal with. This is a message that I’ve gotten from every therapist, but the one I saw for 3.5 years… but she didn’t have the skills to help with the trauma or dissociation.

      I’m hopeful that the person I’m seeing on Wednesday will be able to help… she seems the most experienced so far.

      Thank you for sharing your experiences, it does help to know I’m not alone in this crazy making stuff.

      Take care,

      • Oh yeah, it was a bad relationship that stripped away my coping mechanisms and finally got me into therapy for real. And come to think of it, the friend who recommended my current awesome therapist had a history of severe childhood trauma, had been through her share of therapists, and therefore knew how to interview one. I am so grateful for her recommendation because back then, I had no idea what to look for in a therapist.

        Rest assured you are not alone in this!

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