Too much…

Over the weekend, the beautiful, vivacious, funny, amazing woman who ran the student side of the IT helpdesk passed away because of a brain aneurysm.  She was 28…

How is this world fair?


15 thoughts on “Too much…

  1. The world isn’t fair, nor is it just. I wish I knew why. I’m sorry about the woman who lost her life to a brain aneurysm…you’re right, that isn’t fair.

    • It still doesn’t seem possible… She was so bright and bubbly for the students, no matter what. Yes, she had problems, and I admit that when I saw the email that went around saying she had passed away “suddenly” I thought it was suicide. BTW… Really annoyed with the way they broke the news!

      But… why… just why???

      There won’t be anymore neon trainers in our workplace… No more bright green nail polish… No more laughter and sighing as she tries to work through a problem with a student…

    • She was single without children… Her mother was a florist and she always brought fresh flowers in to brighten up the Library/Helpdesk area… You weren’t allowed to touch the flowers, but she laughed about her possessiveness of them and liked it when I took photos of them.

      She’s really gone… she won’t ever say my name in that funny way again… she won’t ever come in and lean on my cubicle wall and try to work out why a student can’t access the databases with me… she won’t ever laugh or lean back on her chair, hugging her legs, talking on the hands free headset…

      Why? It’s just not fair…

  2. I am so sorry. Will there be a memorial for her?

    They sent an e-mail? They didn’t speak personally to her coworkers? Wow.

    Allow yourself time to mourn for her and the joys she brought to you and the students.


    • Work usually allow all those who want to, time off to attend the funeral… But, I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle going, I don’t cope with funerals very well.

      Apparently the news was told to those present in the morning, but as today was my late shift I arrived to an email. As the others had already had all morning to digest the news and talk it over, they were quite flippant with it all by the time I got there. My team leader came up and asked how I was, before launching into a scathing criticism of the grief counselling that work was offering.

      I don’t think they realise the impact this will have on the students… she was the face of IT support to many of them, and just last week we had a student pass away suddenly while working in the computer lab area.

      One of the student assistants was joking that these things always come in threes…

      Take care,

  3. that is awful, castorgirl. i’m so sorry for this loss you are experiencing. and the cold way this news was delivered. people can be so insensitive. and life can seem so meaningless sometimes.

    one thing i want to say though, and i don’t know if you will mind this, is something positive. i think it’s really lovely how you are honoring this woman in your post. to remember her. to speak of her like you are. it’s really beautiful.

    i only hope when i die that i am missed like this. that someone noticed me.

    a good friend of mine died suddenly in a tragic accident when i was in college and i thought it seemed so unfair because she seemed so much more alive than i thought i would ever be. she was so brave and daring and adventurous. i thought her death was such a waste.

    but then i have no idea what life is all about. maybe she died young because she had completeed the point of life. by living it so fully. it was a tragic loss, her life from this world. and i still miss her dearly. but i also feel so grateful that i knew her at all. i felt lucky to know her. that i got to see the beautiful soul that she was. and that her life touched mine.

    it is not fair that this woman you know died. but i think it’s really meaningful that you care.

    loving safe hugs to you~

    • Thank you Katie… this comment was just what I needed. I wish I could say something more intelligent in return, but I can’t… just, thank you.

      • you don’t have to say anything back 🙂 i’m just pleased my words were any comfort at all. take good care of yourself. hugs~~

  4. hi castorgirl, i thought i’d comment here on your newest post. i hope you don’t mind me doing that. if i thought you really didn’t want comments and that’s why you closed them, i would not comment. but from what you said at the end of your post, it sounded like you closed the comments on that post because you didn’t feel like you deserved them. that you felt pathetic.

    i just wanted to say i don’t think you’re being pathetic at all. and i’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time right now. grief is hard enough for people not struggling with their own self-worth, depression and suicidal feelings. please do try to go easy on yourself. it sounds like the effect that your coworker’s death is having on you is quite strong.

    it’s absolutely ok not to go to the funeral if you feel it would be too much. you’ve already done a lot to honor her. it’s ok to focus on you.

    i’m glad you posted something today to express your feelings. please take good care.

    wishing you well~

    • Hi Katie,

      Thank you… I didn’t go to the funeral, but the other person who I talk to quite a bit at work did (I refer to her as “our cynical friend” in this blog). She said it was a celebration of Cath’s life – her family all came in flouro colours (Cath loved bright colours), her siblings spoke eloquently and her life was detailed with a smile.

      My work is my structure and safety, so when people leave, or pass away, it has a great impact on me. Suddenly my structure isn’t so safe and secure… Another person we get on well with moved onto another job, so I think all the changes have shaken me more than I thought.

      Take care,

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