How loud can you yell?

It’s always interesting looking at other countries politics from the outside… you have the distance and impartiality to look on it with a mix of humour and confusion that comes from not really understanding the issues, or their impact.  I obtain all of my political knowledge about America from the mainstream online media, so it was rather amusing to see the coverage of The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.  It appears as if most of the mainstream media was attempting to spin this rally as a political maneuver, and it could be argued that it was.  But for me, the big message was directed towards the media and the agitators to stop the divisiveness and encourage reasoned presentation of the issues.

Looking at some of the signs that were carried at the rally, they speak volumes… “If you keep shouting like that, you’ll get big muscles all over your face” … “And take it off CAPS LOCK” … “Even my sign chooses not to yell” …

It can be easy to yell the loudest and longest, but where does that get us?
It can be easy not to say anything, but where does that get us?

As a survivor, I struggle finding the middle ground between these two – that sweet spot of “sanity” that Jon Stewart is advocating for.  I delay speaking up, because I don’t want to bother anyone, or there’s too many negative messages about asking for help.  This silence causes things to build-up, and I explode in a rush of dysfunctional behaviour.

I’ve yet to find that reasoned, assertive voice that advocates for my own well-being.  Until I find this voice, I’m going to struggle in a system that requires you to fight for your basic rights.

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16 thoughts on “How loud can you yell?

  1. Hi CG,

    I love this post.

    “I’ve yet to find that reasoned, assertive voice that advocates for my own well-being.”

    I wish I could explain why that resonates for me so much. Instead I’ll just say thank you for posting this.

    Holly

    • Hi Holly,

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting 🙂

      For me, reasoned assertiveness is tied to self-worth and a whole range of issues. Problem is, you often need it to advocate for your own well-being – there’s an irony there that I find amusing and soul destroying.

      Take care,
      CG

  2. So sad…
    I followed the link. I’m not on the eastern U.S. but stuff like that still reaches west. I’m afraid the U.S. is about to implode. One of the worst things lately is that our govt boasts anyone can come and live like they want to, religon, dress, etc. Which is okay, but in the process, the Americans have to give up our way of life and our culture so “they” can have theirs. Our country was built upon the belief of God and now, we can’t even say God in mixed company because a foreigner might be offended. BUT, yelling doesn’t fix anything. I am sane. I don’t yell. I’m sorry, I probably missed the whole point to your post – we are on the eve of elections and the whole country is buzzing.

    • Hi Ivory,

      I can sense your frustration, and I’m really sorry you’re feeling that way.

      As you know, I don’t live in America. I freely admit to not knowing all of the issues involved. Yet, all of the ones you raise could relate to sections of almost any country – New Zealand included.

      I agree, yelling doesn’t fix anything. It’s one way to stir up more confusion. Reasoned debate is usually far more productive – well, as long as everyone comes with respect, an open mind and a willingness to listen.

      I’m sorry, I wasn’t meaning to trigger political debate… I’m not a political commentator. This post was meant to be about not needing to yell in order to get the basic rights of care. I was attempting to use the rally as an analogy; but I may have missed the mark. I apologise for any offense caused.

      Take care,
      CG

    • Sorry Lisa, I’m really struggling at the moment, so didn’t say that very well.

      I think communication, like almost everything we have to re-learn, takes time and testing. That’s one of the reasons that therapists are so important – they allow us to test these new skills in a supportive environment. So we test out communicating in therapy, we learn that it’s ok to speak, that it’s ok to have an opinion, to feel, to hurt, to need help… But all of this takes time and testing. We start off small, then as our trust and confidence grows, we feel able to take more risks in what we say. Each time that risk doesn’t prove to hurt us in the present, we learn that we can go a little further. It’s difficult work, really difficult.

      Please take care,
      CG

      • It’s okay. You’re right. My voice just seems so little and I’m used to being ignored. I feel like I’m not worth the time and often the response I get reinforces that belief.

        This week I’m babysitting a 22 month-old and watching her so sure of herself and confident that her needs will be met is both breaking my heart and making me feel necessary and loved. I’m expecting a little breakdown when the week is over with her.

        I can’t even communicate on a 22 month-old level, except with other 22 month-olds. That’s sad.

        • You are worth the time and effort. Just like we need to learn to speak up in a positive way, others sometimes need to learn how to listen in a positive way.

          Communication isn’t a one way thing. I once went to a presentation by The Deaf Association… it was really confronting and basically tore strips off the hearing community for not taking the time and effort to communicate with the hearing impaired. It was highlighting that from one groups perspective, they were doing all the compromising when it came to communicating. That’s not fair.

          Communicating with a 22 month-old is special. There can be huge healing in that…

          Take care,
          CG

  3. I think anyone has issues finding the middle ground between yelling and being silent, but I suspect the extremes are more complicated for a survivor. Don’t give up hope, you will get there some day.

    You seem to be in difficult place, but since you come across as a nice and caring person so I thought I had better say something.

    Take care.

    (Ringonz makes more sense on the internet)

    • Everything and nothing makes more sense on the Internet 🙂

      I should practice grateful acceptance regarding the compliment, but all I can think of is “Ha ha, got ya fooled”.

      Finding that confidence and assertiveness is difficult for many people… amazing how something so key to our well-being can be so difficult to obtain.

      Take care,
      CG

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