Ever notice how easy it is to lose track of the days, weeks, months… years? At times it scares me. I know that the mother visited for three weeks. I know that when she was here, we had several lunches at The Coffee Club; went to two 3D movies (I think Tangled was one of them); I brought her a new camera; and we went to a nearby town where I purchased a small gift for a friend. The only reason I know all of that, is I have the bank statements to follow my trail. I’ve no idea what happened on the days when I might have used cash – that’s one of the reasons I never carry cash on me.
According to my computer, it’s now 10.22am on Wednesday, 12th of January. Isn’t that strange? What happened to December and the previous 11 days of January? I really don’t remember – I have some vague, disjointed images of that time, but not many.
I know friends have been struggling. I know there have been bereavements, Christenings, excited moments over hope for new life, humour in odd things… yes, I remember more about the lives of the people I consider friends, than I do my own. I don’t know if that is a dissociative feature, or just some weird thing that happens just to me; but sometimes it does my head in. Sometimes, it acts as an anchor in my own life. I use the theory that I can’t be insane, or totally stupid, if I can remember a conversation that was important to someone else.
This time loss, is one of the reasons why I have the next four days off work. I’m sinking. Well actually, I sunk a little while ago, and I’ve only just realised it… I always was a bit slow on the uptake.
On Monday I went to work and said that I needed the rest of the week off. My team leader and manager were supportive; so here I am, in the kiddie pool of life, getting my balance back.
I spent Tuesday sleeping… I went from getting 1-3 hours of sleep per night, to sleeping 8 hours straight, and then sleeping on and off for the rest of the day.
Today, I’m going to go take photos. My aim… to reconnect with the moment. I’ve lost too many moments lately.